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Steeple Langford, April 25 '09 (away - pre-season friendly)
The new cricket season duly arrived with the usual team selection fannying
around problems. It’s refreshing to see that nothing changes and never will
despite all the winter promises of the club being overwhelmed with a mass excess
of players to choose from come the first game.
Javegimite ForMiandad failed to show amidst reports of him out on a cider binge
so last day hero Max Hocking duly stepped in at the eleventh hour.
Whiteparish lost the toss and so were put in. AJ and Tubby opened and with Tim’s
new bat sounding like a bit of old driftwood it was no surprise that he was bowled
in the 3rd over. AJ’s guns had obviously wintered well as he was firing on all
cylinders ably assisted by Jimmy Dovey as the score moved swiftly towards 50.
JD went for one skyer too many and was caught out with the score on 48. Charlie
was in next and with a new Chanderpaul-style front-on stance he soon smacked a couple
of sixes. With the score on 75, AJ was bowled by a jaffa that pitched and turned
taking out his off stump. AJ had looked in great touch which had got the watching
Mr Goose so excited that his glasses steamed up.
Next into bat was Jimmy Hamblin which really was a great sight to see and he batted
like he’d never been away as he played himself in and then proceeded to whack the ball
to the boundary like he’d always done.
Unfortunately for Charlie the curse of the Evans/Newton brain sharing scheme struck again.
Charlie asked the Captain, who was umpiring, how many balls were left in the over to which
the reply was 2. Charlie then obviously took this in and thought about it as he went for
an almighty yahoo across the line and was bowled. Dumb-ass.
Half-way through the innings, Lord Harris turned up to heckle dressed as Magnum P.I. although
one wag did comment that he looked more like the ugly hairy one from Cagney and Lacey.
Mike Green, also sporting a new plank, and Jimmy put on 68 before Mike was bowled with the
score on 167.
Mr Noisy came in for a quick cameo before Jimmy was bowled for a brilliant 49 on his comeback.
Bambo playing with a broken toe and the clap made a dashing 27 not out assisted by a brief knock
from the Captain carrying another sphincter injury. The innings closed on a very respectable 237 for 7 off 40 overs.
After another quality Langford tea, Parish opened the bowling with the Great Bartelli and Charlie.
The Great Bartelli carried on where he left off last season by allowing the batsmen to hit 2 fours
off his first 2 deliveries.
Charlie, on a shortened run-up bowled sharp and straight as the openers struggled to get him
away but luckily for them they found the Great Bartelli’s mixture more to their liking as
the score steadily progressed.
JD took over from the GB and made the break through when Mike Green caught one in his goolies.
After bowling 7 overs for 17, Charlie was replaced by Mike. It only took until his 2nd over
for him to break his New Year’s resolution of not swearing when the batman played and missed
or hoiked across the line. The peaceful and tranquil surroundings soon echoed to the sounds
of “Fookin’ ‘Ell !”
AJ had to leave the game after 45 minutes of the Langford innings as he had to go home to wait
for his summer consignment of “Mr Sexual Chocolate” gun lotion to be delivered.
JD was replaced by Mr Noisy and he was soon pot-hunting with an LBW in his first over.
Mike took a wicket in his penultimate over thanks to a “one for the cameras” catch by Charlie.
Tim came on after Mike and proceeded to make a game of it as the Langford run rate dramatically increased.
Thinking it was a pork pie, JD then took a fabulous one handed catch at deep mid-on off Mr Noisy
to effectively end Langford’s resistance.
Tim then bought a wicket and it was left to Max Hocking to bowl the last over to seal a 24
run victory for Whiteparish.
It was then back to the Kings Head to take the piss out of Lord Harris.
There was a bit of tension at the pub as Sharpy was dismayed to find out that the Whiteparish CC
catching cradle and scene of some cock-lodging over the years, had been sold for some new crockery
and that his pavilion fridge/freezer, still under warranty, had been removed and dumped in the pond.
The main suspect is a crazy old fool with a beard.
Summary
Whiteparish 237 for 7 off 40 overs (Jimmy Hamblin 49, The Guns 33)
Steeple Langford 213 for 7 off 40 overs (Charlie Evans 8-1-18-2, Mr Noisy Sr 8-3-41-2, Tim Drew 4-0-lots-1)
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